Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
but for the heart to conquer it.

- Rabindranath Tagore

Inspirational Music

Thursday, March 25, 2010

A student is not an individual enrolled in classes or even someone who attends classes. A student is one who studies. Studies subjects and concepts not "for exams." The end is not a grade it is knowledge and understanding of subjects and disciplines that can be used. Exams are only tools to determine to what extent the discipline and subject has bee understood. I too often confuse the priority of learning with that of getting an A or graduating.

I'm setting a goal: to wake up before classes early enough to read about what my classes cover each day. I don't want to study for exams I want to review what I've already studied. To aid me in this endeavor I've enlisted the help of coffee, hence the cup picture. (I just realized I don't know how to properly use the word "hence" but I'm leaving it in anyway.)

The 5k is Saturday.
I'm stoked.
A little nervous too.
I hope I don't have too much trouble with my legs; it is a long run.
I'm going to finish regardless; I would just prefer to be able to walk afterward.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Drawn to Redemption by the grace in His eyes

I ran this morning. Two and a half miles in 29 minutes.

I remember the day I started walking...it was the day I met Sam. She walked into my room and treated me like I wasn't broken. She told me I was going to stand up and take a few steps. Up to that point I hadn't even sat up in bed, I thought she was crazy. Sure enough I stood up on my legs clinging to what muscle was left and took a few steps. It was only a few feet and it took several minutes. It took her and a nurse to hold me upright but most of my weight was on my wasting frame. I was still in the ICU. Still not sure if I was really going to make it out of the hospital. To be frank I still didn't know how long I would live. I knew each day was a battle that could be lost.

This morning before I head off to class I'm sitting here with this song playing "Oh how he loves us" performed by David Crowder Band. I've heard it in church before. It's main line is 'Oh, how he loves us, oh.' That keeps sinking in deeper. If someone asked me "how much does he love you?" I could respond with how much of "my" life he has given back. I could talk about how many times my life was preserved in his hands. I think, though, that the real measure of how much He loves me can only be expressed in suffering and affliction. The cross to be specific. His suffering and affliction, not mine. His sacrifice not my blessing. For He paid that price just so I could have the freedom to chose Him! It wasn't some sure bet or something. Not some perfect act of love that would surely win my heart. It most certainly should but so many times I take my chains over His hand.

How do I respond to this love?

"I will not boast in any thing
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection."

...won't I?

"And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand"

today I hope i can say at the end that i stood with Christ in His victory. whatever that is in truth.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

So, I'm running.

So this semester I set out to begin to run for exercise. I was met immediately with disappointment. After the first run I developed a sore that lasted over a month. It made everyday walking very painful and school was a very hard thing to get through each day. By the 15th of February my legs had begun to heal. I also discovered that AirBorne helps my skin tissue. Much more than that God showered his grace on me. On Friday I tried running because it felt like the first legitimate spring day. I only made it .85 miles, but i ran .85 miles! The next morning was beautiful again and I ran the same distance. Then Monday I ran a full mile. Wednesday 2 miles. Monday (this past one now the 1st of March) I ran 2.5 miles in about 25 minutes and today I ran 3 miles in about 33 minutes! I'm set to run a 5k soon i think. I would really like to work toward running a half marathon.

In other news, I have had a person tell me that they are going to pay for my plane ticket to India this summer. I am going to go to work with HIV and AIDS patients for 6-8 weeks depending on how the schedule gets laid out. I'm very excited for this opportunity as well! God has been bringing me through some very trying times. I feel like he has given me a breather so to speak but its impossible for me to accurately describe how hard the past two months have been on a day to day basis spiritually as much as physically. He is still good and just...He is everything I hope Him to be.