here in the power of Christ, I'll stand

Physics Project

2011-01-31T22:09:00.000-06:00

Whirlwind

2010-12-29T02:39:00.006-06:00

Video now at below

Train Route

2010-12-23T06:03:00.001-06:00

Board at Kalyan deboard at Arakkonam

Catch-up

2010-12-23T00:29:00.000-06:00

कैलेब (kay-le-b)
That's how I woud write my name in Devanagari script. The same is used to write Hindi. So far, I've just been learning the script and a few words here and there. It's exciting to be able to read signs on the road. The problem is being able to pronounce and knowing what I'm pronouncing are very different things. It's a start.

I stayed with a lady named Mrs. Nanthur the last 3 nights. She is an incredibly generous lady and tried to stuff me to the gills at every meal. She lives in a place closer to the clinic called Vasant Vihar. I still just take an auto (rickshaw) everyday.

Almost able to see over the Trees

Yesterday, we had a staff retreat of sorts. We got to go into the Sanjay Gandhi National Park a ways and enjoyed the beautiful nature there together. We had a half hour on our own during which I began an ascent of the first Hill going up to the top. I took a picture, it was not a very high position but it was fun to climb/hike a bit.

Tuesday morning I got to see the HIV antibody tests performed. I was a lab assistant for Genetics this semester and performed many different experiment. It was a little odd to think about how unimportant the experiment I did during the semester were in comparison to this. All that we did in that lab was set up to demonstrate, that's it, no real consequences; the results of this ELISA (enzyme linked immunosorbent assay) were reality for the people who gave the samples to be tested. It was sobering. Terribly simple process to prove that someone has HIV.

I went on my own down into Mumbai that afternoon to pick up the book I ordered from OM books. It was a bit of an adventure. The public transportation system though is incredibly useful!

Monday, Anthony Wheaton, from Australia was visiting the clinic. I spent the whole day talking with him and meeting with different individuals in the clinic. He is on the tail end of his trip here and it was great to hear about the different things he's seen since throughout India.

Sunday, I went with the Andrews to church down in Powai. The service was performed by the children's/youth ministries. Basically their Christmas play. Kea was Jairus's daughter. It was fun to see something a little more familiar but also a good reminder that this season should not be void of truth or meaning. We ate visited a mall where I was able to find maps of Mumbai and Chennai. This is the 4th time to India and I just now got maps. In any case, they are very helpful to put together the big picture of where I am and how that relates to where I need to go. We also went to an Italian restaurant! It was nice to have a bit more familiar food. Later that evening we went to a much larger outdoor Christmas program. Kea had more parts in this one, including Mary, a verse reading, and a part in a choir. There was also a skit that included the Bombay Scottish School's choir singing a version of Lifehouse's "Everything." All in all it was a great Sunday with the Andrews Family. That night I moved to Mrs. Nanthur's on the way back from Powai.

Packed house for Thanksgiving Celebration

Saturday was even more filled than Sunday. It was the annual Thanksgiving Celebration for the Positive Friends of JSK. It was on the grounds of a school, not unlike those at Uddamarri. Many people shared their stories and the grace that they've seen in their lives. It was incredible to hear from the staff the stories behind many of the people present. There were numerous individuals that were in the last stages of the disease when JSK met them and saw them through incredible recoveries!

From the Arabian Sea to the Bay of Bengal!

Tonight, I'll be getting on a train to Chennai! I'm very very excited to travel across India by rail! I hope to upload pictures and videos as soon as I get the chance but that may take time to find internet there. I will be travelling through the night for most of the west side of the country but I'll get a lot more view in the morning. There will be plenty of views with daylight on the back-end of the trip. Also on the return trip I'll get a bit of daylight here on the west side of the country. I'm excited to get to spend Christmas with my roommate and a few other friends from the states!

PIctures on hold

2010-12-20T08:01:00.000-06:00

I am now writing from a cyber cafe. They refuse to let me plug in my laptop to the internet so I cannot upload the pictures or videos from the Thanksgiving Celebration on Saturday. I'm peeved to say the least.

Chutes and Ladders

2010-12-17T09:44:00.000-06:00

So I played Chutes and Ladders today with Asha and Enoch. (Asha won in 4 rolls) This is the craziest board I have ever seen!

So apparently if you get jacked in the face you end up at the bottom of the board. Or if you get hit by a car from chasing a ball into the street. I couldn't believe it.

Rest Day

2010-12-16T05:53:00.000-06:00

Well, today I took a rest. I spent the day just relaxing. It was nice to just be sedentary. The semester ended with a great uproar and lack of sleep. I transitioned from that to a very active schedule via a journey half-way around the world in 27 hours. It was nice to ease off the accelerator.

The pictures are from the flat of the family that i is hosting me until the end of this week. The Andrews are incredibly generous and I am so thankful for their hospitality. Dr. Marise Andrews works at the clinic with the rest of the team, I've been able to learn a great deal from her!

Short and Sweet

2010-12-14T11:13:00.000-06:00

I will be keeping it short today as I'm exhausted.

I was able to spend almost the entire day at the clinic shadowing! It's what I came for and I'm very glad to be getting down to business. I'm also attempting to learn a bit of Hindi. It's very interesting but slow going.

Keep my in your thoughts and prayers. This has been a bit more taxing than I expected. I'm not sure if it's jet-lag still or maybe semester-lag but I seem to reach the end of the day only by clawing my way to it.

c.

Monday 12/13/2010

2010-12-13T05:15:00.003-06:00

I GOT TICKETS! I'll be spending Christmas in Chennai! I'm very excited!

A friend, Anil, went with me to get them. He works down in Mumbai so he was willing to help me out. It took almost two hours to reach V.T. station from Thane and then we had to wait in the queue for another 45 minutes and then it was smooth sailing. The man at the counter was very helpful and patient so the process was over in 10 minutes. Then we went to the OM Books for a short time where I got to speak with Blessen (spelling?) who I met the last time I was in Mumbai. Then I took the train back to Thane on my own and Anil went to his office. All in all it took most of the day and was very exhausting for me but well worth the cost! This picture shows the distance:

I continue to be amazed by the cool weather. Anil told me that it is very odd for it to be this cold in December. I guess I lucked out. All of the people here, though, are not used to temperatures in the 70's.

I won't be putting a large number of photos up because they are very on edge about westerners taking pictures after the terrorist attacks. However, this one was easy enough to snap. I was waiting for an auto (rickshaw) in a huge queue and saw this elephant. I'm not sure why it was there or anything but it was in the middle of a very populated area. I actually have not seen many elephants over all the trips I've made to anywhere in India so it was cool to see one.

Ok, so i'm still stoked about taking a train from one coast of india to the other! that and spending Christmas with my roommate Josh! I've never been to Chennai either. Many good things! I'm thankful that God allowed me to get a ticket!

c.

Sunday 12/12/2010

2010-12-12T11:35:00.003-06:00

Wow, just thinking about all that happened since Friday is boggling my mind. I hope I can get it all down.

I give up....just kidding.

So i'll start with what's on my mind. I have a friend who is going to be in Chennai over the December as well. I had originally planned on trying to fly there for Christmas but ticket prices are outrageous at the moment. So I am going tomorrow to V.T. station way down in Mumbai (yes the one on Slumdog Millionaire) to see if there are any seats open on a train. Andi has told me that there are quotas for tourists on each train and he believes i should be able to get tickets. So please pray for that, I would really like to see my friend for Christmas not to mention travel from one coast of India to the other by rail.

I also had my first home visit yesterday. I was able to visit with another staff member from JSK with an elderly gentleman for almost 2 hours. He has quite a long list of medical problems but was in good spirits overall. It was very stretching to be put in that situation so quickly but I am thankful for the experience and being able to be an encouragement to this man. I look forward to seeing him in the clinic soon.

Ah, Friday night, i knew something happened friday night. I was able to share my experiences over the past two years with a large home church group that Andi is a part of. I don't even care that i ended that sentence with a preposition. It was very encouraging to many of the people there and I am glad I had enough time to share some of the details that normally get left out.

I'm becoming familiar with the area. I could walk to the clinic from where I'm staying if I had the inclination. It is a few kilometers though and I don't want to put my legs through that rigor. My point is i know where I am and where it is. i love how india is so urban and dense. the streets are always lively and also hard to navigate but not impossible.

Oh and the weather! The weather is simply amazing! I have never experienced weather this beautiful in India! It might have gotten into the 80's but not by much. I wake up in the morning and its cool. I feel like I'm on vacation or something. The food is also cooler here. I guess when they say that food in Hyderabad is really hot even for India standards is true. I think it was good to start there then because now the food I eat tastes really good and is not too spicy for me.

My legs are doing very well and holding up despite increased activity. I get quite a bit more walking in here than when I was at school and I was half a block from classes.

I've been blessed to be able to spend a lot of time with Andi and his family! I really enjoy spending time getting to know each of them.

Well, i'm going to bed now. have a great day (i chuckled as i wrote that)

c.

India December 2010/ January 2011

2010-12-10T02:48:00.002-06:00

Hello all,

I have not attempted to use this blog for a long time. I guess I find it difficult to slow down and write about what I'm doing most of the time. However, I was very encouraged by a friend before leaving that I should not fail to record at least some of my experience here this time. I believe he was right and will be making an attempt to record and reflect on my experience here.

So for starters my semester finished on Tuesday with an exam in Calculus II from 10am-12pm. I walked out of that exam feeling like I failed. I spoke with a few professors about other grades and found that I had done well in all of my other classes. Then I went home and realized HOLY CRAP I'M LEAVING FOR INDIA TOMORROW! So I began to write down a list of stuff that I would need here. Then I started packing, yes, I pack for month long international travel the night before...and it hasn't failed me yet. I spent all night awake in hopes of flipping my sleep schedule with the flights over. I've yet to figure out if it was successful. I flew out of Chattanooga at 9:50am on Wednesday arrived in Detroit and had a few hour layover which was incredibly uneventful. Flew to Amsterdam with another long boring layover. (travel is incredibly boring when its alone) was delayed in Amsterdam and then arrived in Mumbai at 1 something AM on Friday morning. I was very happy to be greeted with a large sign with my name on it this time. (last time I flew into Mumbai I was lost by the people that were to pick me up and had to find them on my own the next day) This morning I woke up around 9:30 and went to the clinic which is very close and only a few minutes by rickshaw.

Currently, I'm staying with a family. The Andrews. Mareez (spelling?) is a pediatrician that volunteers her time at the clinic twice a week. They generously offered their host me for a bit while here. I also was able to visit Andi and Sheba's home and meet Asha and Enoch their children. Today has been eventful enough for a first day with such a late night!

To change tempo I would like to thank my family for supporting me despite my missing Christmas with them this year. I know this is not an easy time for me to be gone with all the things that are going on. I am thankful that God has given me this opportunity. I was incredibly disappointed this summer when I realized that my hospitalization would prevent me from coming at all. Also thank you to all who have supported, prayed, and been with me on my journey of recovery. This summer has taught me that despite being out of the woods I am still not in the clear. I may always be finding setbacks due to my injuries but I can say with confidence that God's hand is still present and I can trust that He allows the setbacks for His purposes.

Please pray for my health as I am here. I am in good health all around with very comfortable legs. I would like to keep it that way if possible. I hope to be able to serve with everything I have while here, having my legs act up will frustrate that effort greatly. Pray also that I am able to listen and learn and reflect while here, I see so many opportunities to learn about God and His love for us as well as medicine and how to express God's love through medicine. I want to soak Him up. I want to see His face and know this part of His heart.

For now, I hope this finds you all in good spirits and that as you prepare for this Christmas season that you will remember that the world still hurts even if you are on Holiday. Not that you should celebrate any less for that reason but that you would truly celebrate the birth of our Savior. Celebrate and remember why He came.

In Christ,

C.

Update

2010-07-15T13:48:00.001-05:00

I'm currently working on combining both of the blogs I currently have. I have many things to update but I want to settle into a manageable one-blog situation before I start going over my experiences since the race.

2010-03-27T15:21:00.001-05:00

Well, I finished the 5k this morning in 32:49

2010-03-25T09:33:00.003-05:00

A student is not an individual enrolled in classes or even someone who attends classes. A student is one who studies. Studies subjects and concepts not "for exams." The end is not a grade it is knowledge and understanding of subjects and disciplines that can be used. Exams are only tools to determine to what extent the discipline and subject has bee understood. I too often confuse the priority of learning with that of getting an A or graduating.

I'm setting a goal: to wake up before classes early enough to read about what my classes cover each day. I don't want to study for exams I want to review what I've already studied. To aid me in this endeavor I've enlisted the help of coffee, hence the cup picture. (I just realized I don't know how to properly use the word "hence" but I'm leaving it in anyway.)

The 5k is Saturday.

I'm stoked.

A little nervous too.

I hope I don't have too much trouble with my legs; it is a long run.

I'm going to finish regardless; I would just prefer to be able to walk afterward.

Drawn to Redemption by the grace in His eyes

2010-03-22T07:08:00.003-05:00

I ran this morning. Two and a half miles in 29 minutes.

I remember the day I started walking...it was the day I met Sam. She walked into my room and treated me like I wasn't broken. She told me I was going to stand up and take a few steps. Up to that point I hadn't even sat up in bed, I thought she was crazy. Sure enough I stood up on my legs clinging to what muscle was left and took a few steps. It was only a few feet and it took several minutes. It took her and a nurse to hold me upright but most of my weight was on my wasting frame. I was still in the ICU. Still not sure if I was really going to make it out of the hospital. To be frank I still didn't know how long I would live. I knew each day was a battle that could be lost.

This morning before I head off to class I'm sitting here with this song playing "Oh how he loves us" performed by David Crowder Band. I've heard it in church before. It's main line is 'Oh, how he loves us, oh.' That keeps sinking in deeper. If someone asked me "how much does he love you?" I could respond with how much of "my" life he has given back. I could talk about how many times my life was preserved in his hands. I think, though, that the real measure of how much He loves me can only be expressed in suffering and affliction. The cross to be specific. His suffering and affliction, not mine. His sacrifice not my blessing. For He paid that price just so I could have the freedom to chose Him! It wasn't some sure bet or something. Not some perfect act of love that would surely win my heart. It most certainly should but so many times I take my chains over His hand.

How do I respond to this love?

"I will not boast in any thing

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection."

...won't I?

"And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand"

today I hope i can say at the end that i stood with Christ in His victory. whatever that is in truth.

So, I'm running.

2010-03-04T16:37:00.002-06:00

So this semester I set out to begin to run for exercise. I was met immediately with disappointment. After the first run I developed a sore that lasted over a month. It made everyday walking very painful and school was a very hard thing to get through each day. By the 15th of February my legs had begun to heal. I also discovered that AirBorne helps my skin tissue. Much more than that God showered his grace on me. On Friday I tried running because it felt like the first legitimate spring day. I only made it .85 miles, but i ran .85 miles! The next morning was beautiful again and I ran the same distance. Then Monday I ran a full mile. Wednesday 2 miles. Monday (this past one now the 1st of March) I ran 2.5 miles in about 25 minutes and today I ran 3 miles in about 33 minutes! I'm set to run a 5k soon i think. I would really like to work toward running a half marathon.

In other news, I have had a person tell me that they are going to pay for my plane ticket to India this summer. I am going to go to work with HIV and AIDS patients for 6-8 weeks depending on how the schedule gets laid out. I'm very excited for this opportunity as well! God has been bringing me through some very trying times. I feel like he has given me a breather so to speak but its impossible for me to accurately describe how hard the past two months have been on a day to day basis spiritually as much as physically. He is still good and just...He is everything I hope Him to be.

Thanks-giving

2009-11-26T20:34:00.002-06:00

A God, bigger than I can wrap my mind around.

A Mother, whose Love is stronger than my head is hard.

A Father, who worked and works harder than I can even imagine just to give us kids the chance to take the opportunities God's given us.

A Sister, who never let her size stop her from being my big sis.

A Brother, who saved my life.

A family, willing to drop everything to make sure I wasn't alone while I faced the hardest trial yet.

Friends, worthy of the Title of Bru.

So many others, whose lives have shown me that I have a reason to hope, to hope in redemption.

original

2009-09-25T23:08:00.001-05:00

I don't get lost; I get there a different way. - Caleb Baber

Molly and Caleb

2009-09-25T03:01:00.001-05:00

This is a picture of Molly and I. I like Molly a lot. I'm going to meet her family this weekend; I'm stoked.

Well now, lets see what this summer has been like...

2009-08-10T05:28:00.001-05:00

So, the last update I seem to have written was towards the end of my stay in Denver. Oh, how things change. I am now in Kolkata (formerly Calcutta) India, but not without making a few stops has yours truly gotten from there to here.

Let's start with the end of Denver. I drove home to Norfolk but decided I was getting bored so I totalled my truck to make things a bit more interesting. I did, however, overlook my need for it as transport to Tennessee the next week so it was regrettable timing. Well, as I always say "Bash on Regardless." That last sentence was a lie, I only found that phrase this year in Hyderabad and find it intriguingly vague, yet wholly entertaining. So I flew to Tennessee instead of driving. This meant getting picked up by a very good buddy in Nashville and a visit to the Burn. This would be the burn unit in Vanderbilt. It was incredible to go back...to walk through the doors I had been taken out on a stretcher only months before to the applause of many incredible individuals on the nursing staff. I was able to see some of the nurses who I knew well and even eat supper with my friend Liz who is one of the most caring people I know and a very good nurse to me. Then I stayed with Danny (who, by the way, I met in the Burn as he was also electrocuted last fall) and visited Cleveland and saw a few friends before they went to Central America or something. I think they were doing some sort of missions trip, haha. They were going on a Medical Missions trip through the University. The I went to Bonnaroo with Danny and his crazy fun friends for almost a week. 80000 hippies is too many to be in one place. Then we (Danny, Doug, and myself (Doug would be one of Danny's friends who i would now call a friend)) road tripped back to Nebraska with them staying for a few days before they continued on to the west and the mountains. I then made a weekend trip to Wichita to visit my good friend Nate Purdum with Charlie and Jason. Then spent the next extended weekend in Seattle with my Aunt and Uncle. We also scooted up to Whistle, BC (thats in Kanada) for a day which was awesome. Then I was back in Norfolk for a week or so to enjoy the county fair and my friends and family. At one of these intervals at home I managed to buy another car, this time a car not a truck. Then I went to Sunshine Festival with my friends Joy and Lee. Got back Saturday and then Wednesday July 22 or so I flew to Mumbai. I had a wonderful experience there kicking it off with getting left at the airport at 2am and having to find the number for my host but eventually catching up the next day. I also met a few english bloke at the Cafe Leopold as well as spent a day at an AIDS clinic. Then to Hyderabad where I was again forgotten at the airport but just caught a cab to the base. Spent the week at our school getting to know my boys a bit more with the Nebraska team. I would like to note that I drove a scooter as well as a manual Jeep on Indian roads for several km. Yep, on the left side of the road and everything. Crazy fun, eh Anthony. Then we came to Kolkata the team left friday and I've been staying with a friend from Norfolk at some friends flat here (by friends I mean Melissa arranged to stay with them but we only just met them here in Kolkata). I visited Mother Theresa's resting place and the home of the Missionaries of Charity as well as worked at Prem Dan, one of the homes she established. I have also seen quite a bit more but do not have the time to elaborate. Next I travel home to Norfolk and then two days later move to Cleveland, TN for the fall semester at Lee University! It is also of note that I will be getting evaluated at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN for my shoulder and its adamant lack of nerves over the first weekend in September.

Well, there you have it, the rest of the story, well, for the last 2 months that is.

Well, Last week in Denver

2009-05-25T15:23:00.002-05:00

Hard to believe its almost over. It seems like I've hardly started the projects I have been working on. I plan on leaving for Norfolk friday whenever I finish up work. I'm very excited to be getting home earlier than I was originally planning. I miss my family and friends.

Denver

2009-05-06T15:11:00.003-05:00

Well,
I've been here a week. It's been quite a change in many ways. There is more and less. More view, activity, and recreational options such as snowboarding. Less friends, hangin out at night, and doctors visits. I guess you can't have everything. Thats ok. I'm grateful for the opportunity to serve in any capacity at the Dalit Freedom Network. I'm very excited for what the organization is stepping into and how they are workin their butts off for the Dalit people!

Yesterday I was going through letters from the children to their sponsors and putting them together with the students report cards. I was very happy to get to work on Uddamarri's letters. It was great to get to see my boys letters but also to see the amount of work that goes into getting those letters out to every donor. I also saw many of the children I met and interacted with while in India as well as many that were sponsored by friends of mine!

On a very different note, I have found that all the activities available has been taking a toll on my legs. Nothing to worry about, but I have had to take it easy today because of how incredibly sore and worn down they have gotten. I wouldn't have it any other way. I have said it before but I'll say it again: I won't be the thing holding me back, I already have plenty of things doing that, my attitude will not hold me back.

Snowboarding

2009-05-03T10:02:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I snowboarded. The only way to describe it is a blessing from God, an outpouring of His Amazing Grace into my life! I can't believe that a mountain was open on May 2nd with enough snow for me to try, but A-basin was. So the video I put up shows me getting up the first time! God gave me the strength to just start snowboarding! I made it down the entire first run without falling, and I started from a normal run not the little bunny slope. God is incredible! I made it to the top of the mountain and down a few of the hardest blue runs. The day was not without complications; though, my leg actually came off on the lift! It didn't fall, but my leg was totally out of the socket on the prosthetic so it looked like my leg was broke in half. We were able to get it back on in such a way that I rode my board off the lift like a sled and out of the way. I also had to ride with an incredible amount of pain. I gladly accepted that bad with the good God was giving me. The day was an incredible success!

So I woke up today and I feel like I got hit by a train. Every inch of my body is aching, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!

2009-05-02T20:55:00.002-05:00

new quotes section at the bottom

2009-04-24T15:08:00.001-05:00

Walking

2009-04-22T00:29:00.003-05:00

God is Good.

God is Sovereign.

I have said those two phrases from close to the beginning. He most certainly is both, completely.

I have no words for what it was to stand again, to take the first step and continue walking, to carry my crutches to the car, and be unable to stop smiling.

X walking
running
hiking
X riding a bicycle
riding a motorcycle
snowboarding
dancing
climbing
swimming

yes, thats right, i just jumped right on and took a friends bike for a ride around the student union at UNL! i think it's a good first step towards getting back on my bike (motorcycle that is).

Looking back over the last 7 months is more like trying to remember the last 7 years. So much has happened. In many ways, I'm not sure I would recognize the guy I was that morning. In so many though, I feel like I'm the same old Caleb.

its my birthday today. what a present!

Destiny

2009-04-20T01:06:00.006-05:00

Tuesday. I'm sorry, I was going to talk about Tuesday first but I'm listening to "In Christ Alone" (my hope is found). I don't know what else to say but you need to listen to it, and that means being quiet:

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Thats the last verse...........
this has brought me right to Tuesday without even realizing it. I haven't stood on my own strength and two feet since September 20th 2008. But no power of hell or scheme of man will keep me from being able to again. I haven't been promised that it will be Tuesday but i think it might be. It is fully within the hands of my God! I do want to go back to the lines: from life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.....this most assuredly includes every step taken to get me from who I was when I met Him to the tower that September Saturday. I hope that the truth of who He is settles into my own heart. I hope it settles so deep that as it is fire it consumes me to the uttermost and continues His redemption of this man.

I put a video on the bottom, watch it

2009-04-16T00:13:00.001-05:00

i came across this today and was brought to tears, not tears of longing so much as tears of hope. to see with my eyes what can be is incredibly good. i cannot explain how this video drives me on, along with Psalm 27:13-14:

What, what would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living! Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

tomorrow, or rather later today i guess, i am going to the prosthetist. my wound/burn doctor said last week that i could get fit and begin wearing the left leg to see if the open areas would continue to heal with it on. so i hope to get fit for my left leg and talk about upgrading to better ankles which means legs on which running and hiking and perhaps swimming, snowboarding and dancing can be learned again. we'll see. i'm stoked to get this process started, in some ways it seems like a long time, but in reality its been only a few months since i walked. God's grace is incredible. i wonder if it's possible to overuse that word...GRACE. maybe, maybe not.

Reading finally

2009-04-14T12:08:00.000-05:00

So, I'm awake. I'm ready to go read. I like the sounds of that.

A deep breath: held, lost, and gasped for. Perhaps finally caught.

2009-04-14T01:07:00.000-05:00

I just decided that more than anything else right now, even than the big summer plans I've been hatching, I want to read a book and finish the darn thing!

I picked up a copy of this and took it halfway to bed, then put it down and went back to the bookshelf because that sounded better. After repeating this too many times I opened the book I wanted to read before I set about crawling back to my bed. This one was Oswald Chambers biography. I almost didn't pick it up in the first place because I thought I was in the mood for something with more energy or entertainment value. I did pick it up. I opened it and realized that I had read it up to page 82. I thought I had a good chance of finishing it so I took it back and made it all the way. As I opened it in the warm light of my bedside lamp the rush of memory flooded in. Now I'm losing my composer and getting my keyboard wet. I was reading this very book the night before I went hiking that Semptember Saturday..................................I remember how hard I was trying to read a chapter a night no matter how late I got in from being as college as legit college gets or how early I had to get up to make coffee before I left. I remember vaguely making head-way in the book as well as in establishing again the simple practice of enjoying a good book while quieting my mind of the dreams of tomorrow (which really did pull a lot of weight and still do, much more than the worries of the day). It's interesting that I would find this tonight. I watched the picture Garden State for the first time tonight. It's a story of a young man who finally finds himself and strength to be himself with a thorough washing away of his old facade. I don't have a direct comparison at all, but the film made me think a lot about the things I like about myself and the things about me that not only honor God but bring Him joy. I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd try reading.

I don't know what else there is to be said other than the hour is late.

I think I'll post on here from now often

2009-04-07T00:59:00.001-05:00

Well, I think Caleb'sRoad is not anywhere near finished but I do think that I want to write on this blog instead.

2009-03-09T23:32:00.001-05:00

http://apps.facebook.com/causes/1864/46779775?m=cc366e79

2009-03-05T08:43:00.000-06:00

well, i shrunk 2 inches yesterday and did 10 push-ups on my toes today. its a bigger deal to me than can be understood by most.

Good vs. Evil

2008-03-25T04:30:00.000-05:00

I am in the middle of a chapter (whose reading is long overdue, ah, the life of a college student) of my sociology book about politics. There is a section on War and Dehumanization. It has discussed how a man can torture another and has brought it down to a level of good vs. evil.

"As sociologist Tamotsu Shibutani (1970) stressed, dehumanization is aided by the tendency for prolonged conflicts to be transformed into a struggle between good and evil. The enemy, of course, represents evil in the equation. [. . .] The thinking goes like this: To defeat absolute evil requires the suspension of moral standards--for we are fighting for the precarious survival of good."

I was struck by the idea of the "survival of good" as if it could be destroyed. Of course, I, without realizing, equate good with the ultimate good that is God. I think our thinking has been tainted by this in some way. It's weird to think about this idea because it has such implications. Is good a position or is it state of being or is it a being? What is good? Evil has been purported to be easily defined as the absence of good. I think until an adequate understanding of good is established we cannot define evil. This is where I have run out of smart words and am simply questioning...thinking...pursuing the truth that I know with all of my being has its source in my God. Perhaps in the months or years to come I'll have a few more words on this rather important question...

Stewardship

2008-02-23T23:31:00.000-06:00

I think I know up here (points to head) what stewardship means and how it includes not just finances but also intellect and emotions and dreams and plans and whatever else we usually consider ours. I am looking down a path wanting wear that seems to lead to the understanding of what it means here (hand over heart), with these (opens hands), and with these (points to feet and thinks how they symbolize all his dreams of where they will take him as they follow his Dreamweaver). I really think I am walking in the right direction. This whole college thing was a drag in the dreams of my high school days (thinks yep, Zach Davy helped perpetuate those, but not in a bad way), but now....I wouldn't trade the hope I have for the future for anything. I am in the top nth percent of people in the entire world when it comes to opportunity and potential. I have almost everything going for me. My dad used to tell me that I could become whatever I wanted (thinks: ironically the next thing he said was always "doctor"). I believe God created me with the abilities to do almost anything; however, I think He didn't create me to do just anything or everything. He created me with specific things in mind I think. I believe that my being the best steward that I know how to be with these gifts as I follow Him is the best way to allow Him to fulfill His purposes in creating me and find..well..fulfilment. The best part is being able to do all of this WITH the creator of the Universe. I mean He named all of the stinkin stars! He created the amazing ways in which matter interacts that Chemistry explains in part. His passion is unequaled even in the killing field of Rwanda. I guess I'm just excited about what lies ahead.

On Faith and Love

2008-02-16T01:16:00.000-06:00

I am convinced of only one thing when it comes to what is commonly referred to as love: I am ignorant. How it intermingles and dances with our faith and relationship with Christ, I seem to be totally oblivious. I once thought I knew what it meant and how it was supposed to be tied to my life. I now only wish to understand to the fullest extent the lies that I myself have built up as truth in my heart. In reality this is much more about understanding who I am and what I really believe. At least, it is at this point in time. This is the first step. Perhaps one day, I will look back and see a path that God led me down that leads to the place of understanding and wisdom that I am looking for in my present. For now, Jesus must be my guide to understanding Him and me in clarity, honesty, and truth.

Well now, let us see where to begin.

2008-02-04T12:42:00.000-06:00

I have no idea what it means to be a blogger. I have, however, have been having an overflow of God-thoughts and dreams. I guess, time will tell if I am able to transfer them from the conversations of my life to the pages of this blog.